By the time we made it home somewhat safe somewhat sound we were, both of us, utterly inebriated. I hadn’t seen a police cruiser for several blocks and now adjusting my eyes to the dim light of Donn’s apartment I felt certain our evasion had been successful.
His place was more of a hallway. It emptied into two bedrooms at one end and a small living room and kitchen at the other. The whole apartment was plagued with paneling.
We cracked beer.
“Are these the last of ‘em?” I asked. “Pfft, come on man, you know me better than that…” Donn retorted. His enthusiasm emphasized by his thick
This evening we went bar hopping on the
“What the fuck was that all about anyway? What were they casing us for” I wondered out loud.
I came to in mid-pursuit, and can only imagine the circumstances leading up to the point where my mind, flooded with adrenalin, decided that it was necessary to climb out of the apparent black whole it was flushed into and function on a coherent enough level to escape unequivocal incarceration. A moment of clarity from out a vacuum of thought. Something from nothing. The chicken and the egg. Which came first the alcohol or me?
“The last thing I remember was being at Cloud Nine.” I admitted.
This tickled Donn in a familiar way, and his laughter ruptured like a punctured greasy sore and spilt throughout the room. “Is that it? Shit, that was hours ago. You were fucking out of control tonight man! Rare form, rare form I swear.”
“What do’ya mean ‘rare form’? We do this practically every night.”
Suddenly he thrust his entire upper torso through the open window of the living room and began flooding the alley with obscenities, cursing everyone and everything. I’ve witnessed such outbursts before, and have come to realize and appreciate them for their inherent therapeutic quality.
After expunging his ecumenical abhorrence, Donn recovered his composure and started to break down the chain of events that lead up to this evening’s farcical abscondence.
“We started out on the island and worked our way back to the city, remember? Everything was chill until we left Napper’s. After that things started to fall apart.”
Napper’s is a regular local bar in south central Long Island, it has a kind of shady sports bar feel to it; dark and loud and grimy, but occasionally a wide selection of girls can be found there occupying space at the tables around the bar.
Donn rescued a clipped cigarette from out the ashtray. “Napper’s, as it turned out, was a beat sausage fest.” He explained between drags. “So we skipped on over to another bar down the street, I think it was called the Blue Parrot or some shit. We got kicked out of there almost immediately though, after you spit your drink all over the bartender. It was a cough syrup colored beverage that you said tasted like ‘fucking toothpaste.’ So after leaving the bartender with a minty stain on his shirt, we conspired to hit up the Wrong way Inn.”
“This, my friend, is where you began to lose your shit. We took a booth next to these three girls who already had two other guys with them. And actually, for a while there, you were all right. That is, until you overheard one of the girls at the table next to us order another round of shots. Then you began marauding them into sending some drinks our way. It was funny because eventually they actually did buy us drinks though only to shut you the hell up.”
“After our drinks came, you reached over and began patting one of the girls on the head as if she was puppy or some shit. I didn’t know what you were up too; I thought you might have been trying to hit on her or something. She cursed and pushed you away and after that you sat back down. One of the guys she was with made some sort of comment about how he was going to kick your teeth in. I flashed my heater on him and I guess he and the rest decided they were no longer thirsty because they left after that.”
“You had your gun with you?!? Damn I hate that thing!” There is something about the combination of guns and alcohol and Donn that makes me a bit uneasy.
“But, man, when did the cops start chasing us?!?” I asked.
“Hold on a sec, I’m getting to that, just listen… After we left
“So, we took the train, but on the way there we walked by this party going on at the VFW. You told me you saw somebody that you recognized so we crashed the party. As it turned out, it was more of a family gathering, but by the time I realized what was going on, you had already mixed up some drinks for us. So, I figured since we had some time before the train arrived, we could stay for at least one drink. Actually some people there thought that I was part of the family! People were asking me how I’d been and what was wrong with my friend and telling me that you needed to be cut off, and this and that. So I filled a couple of plates with food and we bounced out of there before some type of shit hit the fan.”
It was amazing, I thought, how the body could function for so long without the syllogistics of the mind.
“Umm…” He muttered somewhat thoughtfully. “At this point my memory gets kind of foggy. We must have picked up a couple of forties before we got on the train, cause I tossed my empty from the trestle after we got off and I remember it smashing on a car in the parking lot. ”
“What the fuck is going on out here?!? What was all that yelling before?” It was Breanne, Donn’s ex-girlfriend turned roommate.
Breanne and Donn recently broke out of a five-year relationship, though they still live together; and while she has moved on and found a replacement boyfriend; Donn attempts to alleviate his poor heart through more alcoholic methods.
“Hey, sweety”. She smiled a greeting at me, and I melted while watching her sweatpants hug her ass the way that I wanted to.
“I’m sorry Breezy, I don’t know what the fuck is going on out here.” Donn responded. “Did we wake you and your boy?” Sardonicism dripped in soupy mucilage from the latter portion of his question.
“Yes, you did you asshole. I’ve got to work tomorrow morning and you guys do this every night; take it someplace else!”
“Hold on a sec Breeze, we gotta chill here for a minute, the police are looking for us… so, we can’t leave just yet.”
“The police?” Breanne’s disposition became somewhat motherly. “You asshole!”
“Wait a sec Breezy, listen to this shit.” I told her. “Come on Donn; get to the part about what happened with the cops.”
“Alright listen, we got off the train in
Breanne just shook her head. “You guys have to get out of here Donn, its three thirty and if this shit keeps up, I’m moving out.”
“Alright Breezy, we’re leaving… calm down… relax… its okay… we’re outta here… come on dude.”
“Did that really happen man?” I asked.
“What, the cab incident? Hell yeah that shit happened, but that’s not why the police were after us.”
“What the fuck are you talking about? What else happened?
“Come on, I’ll tell you on the way”
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